What do you do when you’ve yelled at your kids? How can you smother the fire of hurt feelings and shame? We don’t need to allow shame to take the front seat of our minds.
Last week, I screamed at my 4 year old. She immediately started crying. My outburst had scared her. And to be honest, my lack of self-control in that moment scared me, too. Without saying another word, I walked outside, sat down, put my head in my hands and cried out to God.
I know I’m not alone in being triggered by my children and sinning in my anger. And while we should all strive for self-control in this area, that’s not what this post is about. Because in that moment, sitting outside and defeated, I didn’t need advice on how to control my anger. I needed to know how to navigate the battle between my flesh and spirit.
My flesh currently had the microphone as my head swirled with feelings of “not enough”, mom-guilt, remorse, utter disgust at my outburst, scared about how I may have just damaged my relationship with my daughter, and on top of it all I was still holding on to the frustration that triggered my outburst to begin with.
When this happens, I’m in pity-party mode the rest of the day, refusing to let go of my mistake, and worst of all refusing to talk to God about it. I continually beg for His forgiveness, but because I’m upset with myself, I don’t accept it. And because God speaks through His Word, I avoid that, too. I don’t feel like I deserve His words or presence – I deserve to feel awful.
So after this specific outburst, I followed my pattern and let my flesh have the day. But that night, after the girls were in bed, I pulled out my Bible. (Not because I wanted to but because I had Bible Study Fellowship homework to finish – God is good like that.) My workbook prompted me to read Lamentations 3. In verses 19-20, the writer says he continually remembers his afflictions and has become depressed. Isn’t that what we do when we make a mistake with our children? We continually remember our faults, so focused on our shortcomings, and it causes us to become emotionally distressed!
But verse 21 turns the tide… this is where our flesh must take a backseat: “Yet, I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope…” Before we read what he calls to mind, notice how he chooses what he will focus on. Despite feeling afflicted, he chooses to meditate on God’s character and promises in the next two verses: “Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness!” (Lam 3:22-23)
Listen, while we should feel afflicted by our sin, God doesn’t want us to stay there! He provides new mercies…Every. Single. Morning.
You just yelled at your kids? Accept God’s freely given mercy and forgiveness. He has His hand out, extended to you. Grace, mercy, faithful love. No matter how many times we mess up, His mercies never end.
You just yelled at your kids? Open up your Bible. I know it’s easier said than done, but Hebrews 4:12 says that the Word is “living and effective” and “able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart”. The living Word will help you discern what is going on in your heart and mind that has caused your outburst. (If I hadn’t opened up my Bible that night, I would have missed God’s merciful message to my weary heart.)
You just yelled at your kids? Ask for their forgiveness. Let them see you open up your Bible. God will use our weaknesses for His glory. Even our mistakes (perhaps especially our mistakes) can be used to point our children to God. Afterall, when we are weak, then He is strong.
Blessings,
Kelley Thigpen